Giving Thanks Amidst the Chaos

As humans we are so often led by our emotions. How we feel dictates what we do, how we react, even where we are in life. We live in a world that almost exalts being led by something as inconsistent and unreliable as how we feel.

Colleges create “safe spaces” where you can be assured you won’t be offended and get your feelings hurt. HR offices are flooded by people being “triggered” by the words of another. Social media is filled with people flying off the handle in reaction to the post of another human behind another screen.

This year we had an election which only adds gasoline to so many people’s already hot emotional charge. I have heard terms like mourning and grieving the results of the election. While others are filled with glee, celebrating, perhaps even boasting. On both ends of the political spectrum emotions are high.

This time of year, a season of Thanks and Giving, often is met with its own unique set of challenges. For so many people, despite the carols being sung, the decorations everywhere, the plans being made- there is a heaviness in the air.

“The whole world can become the enemy when you lose what you love”

— Kristine McMorris

Loss is always a terrible thing, however, at the holiday’s is when it seems to be felt the most deeply. Loss can mean so many things and affects everyone differently. Perhaps it is the loss of a loved one. The first of everything you may be lucky enough to have a community of support around you but what about the 3rd, the 7th, the 27th. For many, life carries on. They become consumed by their own life, the many distractions we all face. And honestly, there is nothing wrong with that, that is how life goes. But for many, tragically, the pain does not fade away. The loss feels as deep and debilitating as it did on that first holiday without them there.

For others it’s not the loss of a person in death but in spirit. Over the last five years, perhaps exacerbated by the recent election, families have been divided. Or maybe it isn’t an ideology but an addiction. The vision you had of family gathered around a table smiling, laughing, reminiscing has been shattered, torn apart in a way that feels impossible to mend. There’s an aching in your heart for unity that feels abstract and unattainable.

Another possibility is the loss not of a person but of an idea. The loss of a job or a business creating a financial strain plagues many during the holiday season. The looming questions of “how do I provide?” or “how do I explain why Santa isn’t coming?” can loom over you like dark cloud.

Yet even another way we feel loss is for no apparent reason. Depression and anxiety need no cause; they rear their ugly heads whenever they can achieve maximum destruction. While having “no reason” does not make them any less powerful- just harder to explain, which often causes us to pretend everything is okay, to shove our emotions deep down inside praying they will stay out of sight. This leads to feelings of loneliness and isolation, the opposite of what this season should be about.

It doesn’t just have to be about loss to feel the impeding doom. Life is just messy sometimes. The stress of everyday life builds up until we feel like we may break. Picking up extra shifts to keep up with holiday demands, passing by your spouse juggling duties, organizing the calendar of events that have been sprinkled with extra parties and plays and holiday recitals. All the normal life stuff plus So. Much. More. Stress wreaks havoc on our physical and emotional health. A time that should be filled with joy is filled with worry, pain, sadness and even sickness due to stress beating down the immune system. Anxiously planning for what’s next or what could be just to stay ahead of the stress which ironically robs us of today’s joy.

So many experiences circling around us deeply affecting our psyche and antagonizing our emotions. All of us feel emotions, albeit some more deeply and more freely expressed than others.

If you have spent any time around a toddler you realize that emotions can change at the drop of a hat and for some pretty silly reasons. In case you’ve never been around a toddler ( or even if you have) here’s a video with some funny examples:

The truth is, as adults, we really aren’t that different. Research shows us that the average adult experiences 400 emotions a day. We are just better at controlling the out burst that a child is…. well, most of us are.

As someone who is often teased for not feeling a whole lot of emotion that seems absurd. However, I do confess, there are many times throughout the day a tiny flicker of something pops up. Anger. Annoyance. Hesitant excitement. If you pay attention I think you would be shocked to notice all the little glimmers of emotion you feel throughout a single day.

Feeling emotion is good. Feeling emotion is healthy. ( I remind myself of this quite often). However emotion is a pretty bad driver. Our emotions, although they mean well, can often be liars.

If you have ever driven in the car with me you have likely experienced my road rage. I’m not proud of it, but it’s there. One time as a driver swerved in and out of traffic almost causing an accident anger bubbled over in me. I was irate that some one could be driving so irresponsibly. Then a thought flickered in my mind. What if they got the call? The call that a loved one was near the end, what if they had just flown in, rented a car and were on their way to the hospital praying they got there in time to say goodbye. Or perhaps it is a positive but no less intense urgency- his baby is arriving any minute. He was on the other side of the state for a meeting for work when he gets the call, he promised he would be there with her.

The point is, while yes, my anger may be justified – he shouldn’t be driving like that. My anger doesn’t see the whole picture. My anger is telling me that he is jerk when really he may be sad, scared, heartbroken, worried, anxious. My anger lied to me.

Have you ever been so excited to go see a movie that was a complete bust? Or perhaps you dreaded going to an event and seeing someone and then that person wasn’t even there so you worried for nothing?

Our emotions can not be trusted. They change with the wind and often don’t see the whole picture.

“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them”

— Oscar Wilde

We are in the season of Thanksgiving and while our mind may know we are blessed sometimes we don’t feel thankful. We are too consumed by the distractions of life, too absorbed by our own emotions to see all that we have.

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

“Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” Ephesians 5:20

Therefore we must proceed with intentionality. We must not be lead by our emotions but with thoughtfulness and attention.

Your feelings are valid. God created us with a full range of human emotions. Do not deny them, do not shove them down; create space for you so allow yourself to feel all that you feel. But do not put them in the driver seat. Do not let them dictate your life.

Make a conscious decision to be thankful- despite what you may be feeling, despite what may be going on in your life, despite the distractions, despite the chaos. We are called to give thanks in all circumstances. We are called to give praise always. Not when things are going well, not when we feel like it- but always, in all circumstances.

An amazing thing happens when we give thanks even when we don’t feel like it. Just like we talked about in last weeks blog, the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon, is applicable here as well. When we call out the things we are thankful for with intention we will suddenly see more things in our lives to be thankful for. If we are not ruled by emotion but lead with mindfully seeking out our blessings, the feelings will eventually follow as we see more and more evidence of all we have to be thankful for.

So whether you feel it or not, join me in this prayer of Thanksgiving:

Lord, Thank you. I know I am blessed beyond measure even when I don’t feel it. Thank you for sending your Son to live a fully human life so that I may know that there is nothing in this world that I can feel or experience that He too, has not felt and experienced. He experienced anger, sadness, overwhelm, betrayal and loss. Yet, He kept His eyes fixed on you, the Father. Sometimes my life gets messy and I forget. But here I am today, eyes fixed on You. Help me lay my stress and anxiety, my sadness and grief, my overwhelm and heartache at the foot of the cross. Thank you for being big enough to handle all of my emotions. Thank you for giving me a spirit of self control (2 Timothy 1:7) that I do not need to be held captive by emotion. Help give me a spirit of thanksgiving, that I may be intentional to seek out your goodness in the valleys of grief, the ordinary and mundane, as well as the triumphant and exceptional. You are always good and worthy of my praise. Amen.