35 Lessons in my 35 years
Today marks my 35th birthday. Yes, on Friday the 13th. (I also turned 13 on Friday the 13th- little fun fact for ya there.)
I won’t lie to you. My life certainly does not look the way I envisioned it. Not even a little bit.
Teenage Liza would have never thought I’d be married. Married Liza would have never thought I’d be struggling with infertility. As a young adult I was always so driven and motivated, a real go-getter, opening my salon at 25, but my business doesn’t look the way I thought it would 9 years in. Heck, if you had told me ten years ago I would be entrusting my day to day business to someone else while I move states away to a town of 200 to start a homestead I would have audibly laughed in your face.
Life is funny like that. My mum always says:
If you want to here God laugh, then tell Him your plans.
I would always respond that He must think I am a one woman show ‘cause I’ve got plans for days.
Despite not being the way I thought that it would, it is a beautiful life. Full of love and excitement, trials and heartache, growth and loss. I could tell you stories that would leave your mouth agape, stories that would have you laughing until you’re crying and a few that would make you wonder if I was just crazy. Through it all I have learned a lot but I’ve narrowed it down to the big ones. Here you go:
35 Lessons in my 35 Years
1. Not everything is black and white.
Don’t get me wrong. Some things are definitely black and white. It is still my knee-jerk reaction. However I have learned that gray does exist. I am consistently challenging myself to find the grey. I may not always agree with it, but it has been a helpful practice to learn to see it.
2. Trust your gut. You were built differently and it’s okay to know what’s right for you even when it doesn’t make sense to anyone else.
I have always tried to surround myself with people smarter than mean. I value wise council. People who are doing the things I aspire to do. However, there have been many times in life and in business when I just knew what I was supposed to do. Sometimes, I would bring things ideas to people I respected and I would be told why it wasn’t the right decision. I have found that while mentors and advisors mean well, they are not me, they are just another human doing the best they can. Each one of us is having a unique human experience. What is good for one is not always good for another. While I still seek wise council and have a desire to learn from others when I have a knowing in my gut- I always go with it. It may not make sense from the outside looking in but there’s ultimately only one who knows what is best for me. As long as I consult Him, it doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks.
3. Don’t let them make you feel bad for being confident in who you are.
Being a woman and being confident in who you are is almost an oxymoron. Maybe it’s being an only child, maybe it’s being an enneagram 8 or a DiSC D but I have never struggled with my confidence. That is not to say I think I am perfect, I know I am far from it; or that I don’t have insecurities, I certainly do. It just means that I see my flaws and love myself in spite of them. I don’t believe any insecurity or doubt that I may be struggling with effects my worth.
4. You don’t have to be all in or all out. It’s okay to dip a toe in.
This mostly affects me when it comes to exercise or the way I eat. If I decide to do a new work out routine it’s 7 days a week or nothing. If I’m trying a new way of eating there is no 80/20. The moral of the story is that that is completely unsustainable. It’s okay to ease into things, it’s okay to try something new. 80/20 is fine when it comes to most things.
5. You’ll need friends. Don’t be so committed to being a loner that you forget to develop community.
I have never been someone that required friends. At least not deep meaningful ones. Again, maybe an only child thing. I moved a lot in my late teens and early twenties and I always had friends everywhere I went- then I would move and never speak to them again. I really didn’t think much of it. Then I met Nick. The man has more friends right now in this moment than I had had in my entire life combined. It’s truly mind-blowing. I’d hear him talk about the friends who supported him through his cancer diagnosis. I’d see him reach out to friends who were going through a hard time. A part of me realized I did in fact long for that. It didn’t come easy and it didn’t happen by accident but I am proud to say I now have a community, albeit a small one, but real and true.
6. Don’t let your confidence border arrogance- stay humble.
If you find yourself being the smartest or most successful person in the room, it’s time to find a new room. Continue to surround yourself with those you can learn from; those who have gone before and achieved or done the things you are working towards.
“If you’ve never failed, you’ve never tried anything new.”
— Albert Einstein
7. You’ll fail but you’ll survive.
You’ll never know unless you try. Some thing work, some things don’t. As long as you learn something it is never wasted.
8. Money is a replenish able resource.
Be a good steward, yes, but don’t hoard it to the point of not enjoying life. Money flows out and money flows in.
9. It’s okay to say yes.
I acknowledge that most people actually struggle with saying no. However when you’re an introvert that values self preservation no comes easily. Push yourself out of your box, go to the party, go out on the town, try the new class. You’ll have some great times and make some great memories if you just say yes.
10. You have ADHD, learn to roll with the urges and don’t be so hard on yourself.
Once you stop fighting and forcing, the rhythm works quite well. Create when you’re inspired, work when you’re motived, rest when you need it. Alignment is a beautiful thing.
11. A solid morning routine is your lifeline. You need it, don’t compromise it.
It is also okay if that routine looks different on different days or in different seasons. It is funny how when you are the busiest is when it’s the most important so adapt it don’t forgo it.
12. When you find your people, go all in, be vulnerable. It’s worth it.
Creating true relationship, whether romantically or in friendship, means creating intimacy. Intimacy can only be cultivated through vulnerability. Someone must take the first step, why not you?
13. You have no competition.
If you have ever played a board game with me you may be saying “Liza, are you sure you’ve learned this lesson?”. I’m not talking about games, I’m talking about life. There is enough abundance for everyone to be successful and thriving, therefore, you have no competition. If we are playing a game and there is a clear winner, you’re going down…. You’ve been warned.
14. You need rest- schedule it.
There have are seasons in life that feel nonstop. Always something to do, always someplace to be, always something urgent. Even the fun things start to feel like work. Take out your planner and schedule rest.
15. It’s okay to let go of dreams that no longer serve you.
I have had dreams that I have worked so hard towards just to be at the finish line and realize I don’t even want it any more. We are faced with a choice. Keep moving forward just to say you checked the box or redirect your energy. For years I thought I wanted to be a platform artist working on hair shows in New York City, LA or Paris. I made choices for years that help propel me in that direction. I even moved back in with my parents at 24 to save money for a year before moving to NY. As time got closer I realized I didn’t want to move to New York. I didn’t want to take what felt like steps back in my career to move forward. I didn’t want to have 10 room mates after living on my own for so long. I let that dream go and was able to pursue another dream- opening a salon. I was sad for awhile but sitting where I am now I am thankful for the courage to let that dream go.
16. You’ll hurt in ways you didn’t even know were possible. You’re strong, you’ll get through it.
Sometimes people are just not great. You’ll be betrayed, you’ll be lied about, you’ll be heartbroken. Thank them for the season they served in your life and move on. Sometimes life is just hard.
17. Life is Paradoxical.
Some of greatest time of my life are littered with the worst. Take it all in.
18. Don’t forget to play.
““We are never more fully alive, more completely ourselves, or more deeply engrossed in anything than when we are playing.””
— Charles Schaefer
You don’t have to take yourself so serious all of the time. Dance in the rain, jump in a mud puddle, make a fool of yourself. None of it really matters anyways.
19. It’s okay to want to be a wife and mother.
I am not going to lie to you. There was a time I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I just didn’t get it. Especially the women who wanted that instead of a career. I will always be a business woman, I absolutely love it. But I can now see the beauty and honor that woman with that calling have on their life.
20. It’s okay to start something completely new.
I mean I am now living on an 8 acre homestead soooooo…. No one saw that coming- including me. But here we are.
21. Education ≠ Intelligence.
I have often struggled with not feeling “smart enough” because I didn’t go to college. But I’ll tell ya what, I have been some college educated cottonheadedninnymuggins. I have also met some of the smartest people I know that do not have traditional education. So do not confuse education for intelligence the two are simply not synonymous.
22. You can’t actually do it all.
I am part of the generation that was told we can do anything we put our minds to. Unfortunately, many of us took this to mean we can do all the things we put our minds to. While that may be true in the short term, at some point, somethings got to give.
23. You’ll want more for people than they want for themselves.
I can not even tell you how many times I have done this. I see someones potential and I want to help them realize it. But not everyone wants that. Some people are just content; and that’s okay. Learn to separate your rock steady’s from the rock stars and stop pushing them. Stop pushing but don’t give up hope.
24. Not everyone is as excited about personal growth as you are.
I was recently told that I was the most self aware person someone had ever met. I am not entirely sure that it was meant as a compliment but I took it as one. Self awareness and personal responsibility are game changers. However some people don’t give a flying fart in space and you can’t make them. ‘
25. God’s timing is always perfect.
I have learned this lesson multiple times, I have seen His timing play out perfectly in my life. However as someone struggling with infertility for over 3 years it is still a mantra I repeat daily.
26. Not everyone knows (or even cares) about their enneagram type.
A travesty too great to expand on.
I’m an enneagram 8, in case you are curious.
27. God will never waste your pain.
He will take things that are meant to destroy you and use them for good. You may be a light to someone in their time of need directly because of the pain you have suffered. You may be able to help someone just because of what you have gone through. Whatever it is, it will not be wasted.
28. Life isn’t built. It is lived in the moments.
Don’t get so busy chasing, striving, working that you forget to live.
29. When you get the urge to say or share something- do it.
It may not make sense but there’s a reason there’s a stirring in your soul.
30. Stop beating yourself up for procrastinating.
You do great under pressure and can get more done in a day than most people get done in a month.
31. Find joy in the little things.
Often it is the tiniest, seemingly insignificant thing that can bring the most joy. Don’t forget to see out the small joys in life.
32. It’s okay to slow down.
It’s even okay to have a whole day binge watching Netflix by yourself Some beating yourself up and enjoy it.
33. Honesty is great but….
Many people love your brutal honesty and your inability to lie. However sometimes just keep it to yourself unless you’re asked, then – be gentle.
34. This isn’t your last good idea.
Don’t wait for things to be perfect before you act on them. It isn’t that precious, there will be more chances, more opportunities, more ideas, more inspiration. Just through it out there and see if it sticks.
35. Some day you’ll look back and see it all make sense.
As I look back on my life I can see multiple moments I was close to the breaking point. I can also see now, how those exact moments created fundamental shifts that are directly responsible for where I am today. You may not see how it all fits right now but someday you will look back and see a perfect puzzle. Each paint and each triumph are linked together. Nothing is random.
If you made it this far, if you read each of the 35 things I have learned I hope something sparked in you. I hope you felt seen in a lesson you too, have learned. Perhaps, you even learned something today.
My 35th year, I am sure, will be filled with new experiences and adventures, filled with growth and many more lessons, with will be laughter and joy; As sure as I am of that I also know there will be many mundane tasks, moments of anger and frustration, maybe even sadness. Each one of these moments, these emotions, molding me into the next version of myself. To live fully is to constantly evolve. I am excited for the many more lessons I have ahead of me, eager to be the woman I am becoming.
